Quick Tips

Quick Tips
X-FILES FANS! Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by simply drinking two bottles of vodka. The following morning you will invariably wake up in a strange place, having had your memory mysteriously "erased". ------------------------------------------IF YOU WIN THE LOTTERY... Buy up every ticket for each night Garth Brooks plays his local gigs. Then stand in the middle of the field, wait for the big turd to finish his first song, then shout "YOU'RE SHIT!" and walk out.
The second night would involve the same thing - after the first song simply shout "YOU'RE STILL SHIT!" and walk out. ------------------------------------------CLAIRVOYANTS! Instead of booking expensive TV commercials asking people to ring you looking for their horoscopes, show your customers what you're made of by calling them *just* before they pick up the phone. ------------------------------------------ JUDGES! Have a bit of harmless fun with the accused when giving judgment - take out a black hanky and put it on your head. ------------------------------------------CINEMA-GOERS! Save your time and money by not going to see the Blair Witch Project. Instead, fill a large plastic bag with dry leaves. Then shake the bag while the light is switched off. ------------------------------------------ AIRCRAFT MANUFACTURERS! Why not consider using the material used in the Black Box for the whole plane. ------------------------------------------POLICE! Arrest that man out walking his dog. He has come across too many dead bodies for our liking. ------------------------------------------ RESTAURANT CUSTOMERS! Tie a tablecloth around your neck and tell the waiter "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?" ------------------------------------------ PARANOID X-FILE FANS! Make guests believe your flat might be bugged by running your hands under the tables and inside lampshades, then turning on the shower every time you want to speak. ------------------------------------------BIG MAC EATERS! Transform your garage into a drive-in McDonalds. Simply sit in your car, lower your window and demand that your wife/girlfriend/little sister brings you a cup of coffee, on roller skates.------------------------------------------HOME OWNERS! Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on December 26th. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.------------------------------------------TROUBLE WITH NOSY NEIGHBORS? Convince them that you've just invented a 'SHRINKING' device.
Simply ruffle up your hair, wear a white lab coat and park a bulldozer outside your house for a few days.
Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night and secretly replace the bulldozer with a small Dinky/Tonka toy of the same description.
Just watch their faces in the morning!